


103 Missed Calls

by godsgoose



Category: Haikyuu!!, Oikawa Tooru/Iwaizumi Hajime - Fandom
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Space, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 01:15:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30131766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godsgoose/pseuds/godsgoose
Summary: Tooru (Oikawa) Iwaizumi wanted many things from a young age, to be with Hajime Iwaizumi, start a family with him, and go to space. He has  nearly completed all of his goals, with a baby on the way and a ring on his finger while being up in space, it couldn't have been better. So the universe decided to make it worse.Hajime I always thought he would be the first to die because he was always getting sick or injured, so he didn't find any problems with watching Tooru go up to space. He was so proud of his husband for completing his dreams. He was so proud of the person his Tooru was, he was the happiest when reminded of Tooru, so the universe decided to take his happiness away.Hajime missed Tooru's last breath, he ignored the phone calls because of their child being born, so while introducing a life into the world he lost the one he cared about so much more. He lost his best friend, his husband; only to get 103 missed calls in his message bank.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 6





	103 Missed Calls

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Thank you for reading my fic! 
> 
> Originally this fanfic was going to be called Beyond the Stars but as I continued writing I didn't like it so I changed it to 103 Missed Calls
> 
> This is my first ever fanfic so it is pretty bad... It isn't completed and I don't know if I will ever get it completed, but it was only a little part that doesn't really need to be added. 
> 
> I started this fic back in like June of 2020 and it was finished in December of 2020. I am actually rewriting this fic and changing a lot of it, I'm hoping to have that rewrite finished by the end of 2021.

#  103 Missed Calls 

######  Chapter 1: Phone calls and happy memories 

“Hajime please call me back, I have to tell you something and I’d rather tell you over a call then voicemail. I love you, goodbye Haji,” I hung up, placing my phone back down into my pocket. I ran a hand over his face, trying to relieve some stress. 

“He still won’t answer you?” Kageyama poked his head into the room from around the corner, hoping to comfort me with a conversation. 

“Yea, I don’t think he is even listening to the voicemails I leave.” I tangled my hands into my hair trying out different ways to help soothe my anxiety, but my heart was still racing thanks to the monotone voicemail I was sent to. 

“I mean, you kind of deserve it.” 

“Yea, accepting the offer to spend another year up here? He would miss you like crazy.” Daichi piped in, giving me that intimidating look that reminded me of my beloved Hajime oh so much. 

“I know, I know, it’s just that I thought this was the right thing to do for him, for our growing family.” I raised my hands up in a defensive manner, hoping they would believe me. 

“He might be asleep still?” Daichi offered me a cup of tea with that weak possibility. 

“It’s 1 pm down there, he doesn’t normally sleep in though.” My hands got caught up in a small knot in my hair, making me even more frustrated with myself. The feeling of despair and guilt made my heart clench up. Hajime didn't deserve this, but I thought this was the best idea at the time, even if Hajime didn't see it. 

“Morning guys,” Hinata walked into the room with a smile on his face, his smile disappeared quickly as the strong feeling trapped in the room instantly drained his happiness too, “Still not answering?” 

“Nope!" I exclaimed a little too loud. "This time I believe I screwed up too much, this is my fault." 

“How many days has it been now..?” Hinata mustered up the courage to ask as he got closer and wrapped his arms around me in a comforting hug. 

“A week.” 

“Man, you really screwed up,” Kageyama smirked at me. 

“Definitely.” Daichi sent a glare that could rival Hajime’s to Kageyama, “Iwaizumi, Kageyama, go to the room and sleep. Your shift has been over for more than an hour now.” 

“Jeez, no wonder he is getting emotional.” Kageyama snickered as he got up from the chair and moved towards the door. I got up fast and began to follow behind him when he turned around and spoke, “I swear to god you better leave the room before you start to cry. I want to try to get asleep before I do something I might regret later.” 

“Oh, I’ll try,” I rubbed my eyes to try to stop the tears from leaving, “It’s just been getting so hard with him ignoring me.” 

“I’m sure it is, but there isn’t much you can do apart from trying to call him.” 

We traveled down the hall to the bunker as quickly as we could. I noticed that Kageyama had slipped into his bed as soon as we reached the room while I had slipped out a box from underneath my bed, before heading towards the door. 

“Turn the light off when you leave,” Kageyama asked, his voice making him seem exhausted . 

I left the room and closed the door behind me, leaving Kageyama in the dark. I slid down the door and sat on the ground with my legs crossed; the box sitting inside my lap comfortably. The box held an overwhelming aura, I didn’t bother moving to open it, just being close to it was enough to tear me apart. The memories rushed back to me, from the day I met Hajime in my front yard to the day I left for space. 

I took my time just getting control over the emotions churning in my stomach, but as soon as I opened the box and got a glimpse of the loose photos and notes I was a complete mess. Everything was the same as when I had last seen it. 

Normally I would spend time reading the notes and taking in every last detail from the photos, but I couldn’t be put through that torture right at that moment, I just wanted to see my favourite pictures of Hajime. 

I pulled the photo album out of the box and placed it in my lap, making the box sit on the ground next to my leg. I let the spine crack while slowly opening it, letting it find a comfortable position. 

I flicked through the first few pages of writing until I got to what I wanted to see. The old photos from when we first met lay in front of me. It looked exactly how I remembered, from Hajime’s smile and the bug in his hand to the star-struck look on my own face when I was shown the bug. 

“The simping began a long time ago-” I stared at the words underneath the picture, every time I read them a stupid smile crept onto my face, one only Hanamaki and Matsukawa’s writing could make. I used the writing as a distraction from the picture as I no longer felt strong enough to keep the emotions from showing. 

The tears fell freely; I tried my best to make sure the tears didn’t get on the book. I was successful for the most part until a stray one landed on my face in the photo. I used my hoodie sleeve to wipe gently away the tear. 

I moved on from that photo. The amount of pain it was bringing bothered me more than normal. 

I was mindlessly skimming over the photos, drying my tear-stained face on the sleeves of my hoodie as I went. I stopped turning the pages without realizing why until I focused on the photo in the middle of the page. 

“After years of acting like a married couple, they finally tie the knot.” 

“Tie the knot? What does that mean?” Hinata repeated after me while walking towards me. He crouched beside me and looked at the photo. “You guys got married. Why didn’t you tell us?” 

“I didn’t think I would be here, so it didn’t really matter when we met.” I tried to keep my voice from wobbling, giving away any hints that I had been crying. 

“When did you guys get married?” 

“20th of December, like 5 years ago?” 

“Dude no wonder he is so pissed, that’s coming up soon! Although I’m not sure of the exact day... ” Hinata pulled his phone from his pocket and showed me the date. “I, it’s tomorrow. Try to call him again when you first wake up? Blow up his phone with messages and calls until he has to answer you.” 

“Hinata, hurry up!” Daichi yelled down the hall, making the man get up and leave me alone with my thoughts. 

“I’m so sorry Haji, I lost track of time, I promise I’ll make it up to you when I get back home,” I mumbled, running a finger over the corner of the photo before closing the book. 

I placed the book back in the box before getting up and navigating my way through the dark room towards my bed. I placed the box back underneath the bed before slipping underneath my covers. I got comfortable underneath the covers before trying to fight off my thoughts and get tired. 

######  Chapter 2: Wedding Dreams 

_I can’t believe it, it’s finally here. I always wanted to get married but I never thought I would be getting married to my best friend. Who knew a 13 year friendship would help us realise things about each other._

_Everything looks so nice, like something out of a dream. The scenery around us was pretty, surrounding us were tall trees. There was light rain, making it look like it was foggy. There were fairy lights on the trees, lighting up the way towards Hajime._

_Hajime, my beloved Haji. Gosh, he looks so stunning. Words cannot describe how beautiful he is._

____

____

**You're just too good to be true, Can't take my eyes off of you**

_Our song started playing, signalling that it was time. My feet started to move on their own along the lit up path._

**You'd be like Heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much**

********

********

_The bouquet of white carnations and red roses were in my hands. It felt like the flowers weren’t there at all and I was walking towards my best friend._

********

_**At long last, love has arrived, And I thank God I'm alive**_

****

****

_Time slows around me, it feels like I have been walking down the aisle for forever._

**You're just too good to be true, Can't take my eyes off of you**

_I could finally see him clearly through the rain, I cannot believe I am about to marry this beautiful man._

**Pardon the way that I stare, There's nothing else to compare**

_Is he… crying? Why is he crying? Please be happy tears, I don’t know if my heart could take a rejection now._

**The sight of you leaves me weak, There are no words left to speak**

_I stand in front of him, only a few feet away. Haji smiles at me, the purest smile I have ever seen._

**But if you feel like I feel, Please let me know that it's real**

_The music stops playing, leaving us with the quiet hum of the forest._

_The ceremony started, the officiant began talking. His voice ruined the moment until I zoned out. I stared at Hajime, he seemed happy. His smile promised that this was the right option._

_“I, Hajime, choose you, Tooru, to be my husband._

_I never had anybody to call my own, nobody to call my home, and then I met you. I always wanted to be somebody to someone, and from that very first day we became friends I felt as if I was somebody to you. We grew up together, the best of friends, and I am so happy that we stuck around together._

_On that day you proposed I just thought it was another normal day of fun. You took me to one of our hangout spots from when we were younger, the one in that old barn by the open field. We were just hanging out together. You were acting suspicious, but everything felt normal. Like it was another day spend together._

_We watched the sunset together, cuddling each other with our legs dangling out of the large opening. I got distracted by the sunset, it took my breath away just like every other time. You moved away from me and the loss of your warmth was disturbing, like it would hurt me if I didn’t get it back._

_Just when I thought I had gotten my breath back you had stolen it again. I didn’t even know why the sight of you with a ring in your hand made me lose my breath, but it did._

_It felt like my unknown dreams had come true._

_You started talking about how I made you feel, and I would be lying if I said I actually listened to it all. I was too busy looking at my future husband._

_Everything happened so quickly. I realised that I had loved you since we were young kids. All those little moments I held onto so dearly confirmed my love for you._

_Thank you, Tooru, for choosing me as your husband. I love you so much, I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you.“_

_Holy shit, how did he come up with that? Why the hell is he doing this to me? He wants me to cry doesn’t he. He always loved seeing me cry since it made him laugh. Gosh, I am such an ugly crier. Yep, just as I thought, I am crying._

_“I honestly don’t know how to say this anymore. What I have doesn’t seem like much now so I guess I’ll just make it up as I go._

_Haji, you have been my best friend from the very beginning. I don’t even know how I landed someone like you as my best friend, let alone my husband. You have done so much for me and I am forever grateful._

_Uhm so anyways, here goes nothing._

_In case you don’t live forever let me tell you now. I love you more than you will ever wrap your head around. I want to make up for all the missed opportunities I could have shown you my love. I promise I will do that and so much more for you._

_In case you don’t live forever let me tell you the truth. I am everything that I am because of you. I have a hero whenever I need one, I just look up to you and I see one. I’m a man because you taught me to be one._

_In case you don’t live forever let me tell you now, as long as I’m here as I am, so are you._

_You helped me so much with my life, and I can say that without you I would have been living a completely different life, one without love. One without a dream, one without the perfect partner by my side._

_I love you so much Haji, and I want to be around you forever so I can tell you about it._

_My love for you goes beyond the stars.”_

_He looks stunned but not in a good way. Did I say something wrong? Has he realised something?_

_The air started to get thick, like I was drinking soup through my nose. He looked hurt, like he thought I cheated or something. I didn’t cheat though? I haven’t done anything for him to be this mad…_

_He looked at me with pain-filled eyes, I haven’t seen them since we lost to Karasuno back in high school. These eyes seemed different though, there was something so cold and unfamiliar about them. Like within a minute his love turned into hatred and he would attack me at any minute now._

_The light around us dimmed, trapping us in our own little world that stopped the stares from everyone in the crowd. An eerie vibe hung in the air, making me feel sick to the stomach._

_I felt the Goosebumps rise on my skin, it wasn’t even cold around us. Hajime’s face contorted into one of pain and hatred, he hates me? Why does he hate me? I didn’t do something wrong did I?_

_The flowers in my hands started to go cold as well, when I looked at them they were limp. The petals drained of any bright colour, instead replaced with a gray or brown colour._

_Everything was changing so quickly. He just disappeared in front of me, leaving nothing behind. All the colour from around me, even the flowers, were gone. The light was vanishing too, I was falling while trying to hold onto the light._

_Why is everything changing?_

I jolted up out of the bed, it was so hot around me. The bed sheets were wet with sweat. 

Why did he leave me there by myself? 

“It’s ok, he didn’t mean to look at you like that. It was just a dream…” I mumble to myself, trying to get some reassurance. 

I moved silently from the bed, picking up my phone and a single photo before walking out of the room. I headed towards the west wing of the ship, it had the nicest scenery. The walk there was nice, I caught glimpses of Earth and it looked so inviting. 

I walked into the room and locked the door. I put the admin password in for some more protection from the others. 

“One last call, Hajime, and I will stop annoying you,” I said before pressing on his phone number. 

The rings echoed throughout the room. Every time I wasn’t met with a voice I got frustrated. A familiar sound answered me, the sound of the automated voice mail lady. Her voice put a downer on my mood, not that I was in a very happy mood to start off with. 

“Hey Haji…” 

######  Chapter 3: One Last... 

We have been in here for hours, the surrogate was sleeping, and so was the baby]. The tv was on in the background, filling in the emptiness the hospital provided. I paid little attention to the program as I was busy scrolling through instagram. Everything was peaceful, no screaming or crying could really be heard, the baby was by my side, although in his bed. I sat on the lone chair in the corner of the room, awake by myself while watching over the best thing to happen to us for a while. 

“-Iwaizumi died yesterday at 11:47 pm,” The tv mumbled out, making me pay more attention to it, “Nothing much about his death has been said. We will tell you more about this in the morning.” 

I stare at the tv, hoping that it wasn’t my Iwaizumi, that another famous Iwaizumi had passed. 

“Please Tooru, I swear,” I managed to whisper out while opening the phone app and looking at all of my missed calls, from the past week or so. “103 missed calls, goddamnit Tooru…” 

I look at the latest one, it started at 11:36 pm. 

“No…” I pressed on the voice mail and waited for him to start talking. 

“Hey Hajime, I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry for calling you so much lately, you probably have loads of those voice note things because of me.” 

“I’ve missed you too, Tooru. I was super busy with work and getting everything ready for the baby and [Surrogate],” I answered as if we were talking to each other. 

“I guess I just wanted to call you again to tell you I love you so much. I was thinking about it last night and I realised you were probably busy with the surrogate since the baby is due soon,” A cough was audible, it sounded like it hurt him. 

“Yea, I was. You sound sick, have you told Daichi about your cough?” I ask him, hoping for an answer. 

“I had a few names but I thought you wouldn’t like them very much so I forgot about most of them. I really like Sora though, it means sky or something like that. I guess I just hope he has a better relationship with the sky than what you are going to have... Anyways I hope you figure out a good name for them,” He sounded so sad, “please call me whenever you have the time to, I want to hear about how everything has been going for you.” 

“That name sounds perfect for him.” 

“Oh uhm, I have to tell you this, don’t get mad or anything. A while back I had gotten myself into a bad situation and I was exposed to space radiation…” He sighed, although it sounded like he was actually struggling to breathe, “I kind of got sick and stuff, it wasn’t that bad and the home base knew about it so they offered me another year and I took it. They sent up medical supplies I might need with the new crewmates so I had been getting better, but lately it has been getting worse, like really bad-” 

“Jeez you idiot! You could have been down here getting more help!” 

“-I honestly don’t know how to explain it, but I’m sick and Daichi thinks I may not make it home. I swear I will get home though, I promise!” 

“Tooru please, I need you here,” I mumble out, trying to keep my crying quiet. 

His breathing gets heavier, he is wheezing. It sounded so dry and painful, “Shh, it’s ok, Tooru. Steady breathing, don’t rush yourself.” 

“Do you remember the time I took you to the tree? The big one with the nice view overlooking the clift? Well uhm, I was going to propose there, I had the ring ready and everything, but you said you didn’t like going there with me, you said I always complained too much while walking up to it.” 

“Oh…” 

“I really wanted to do it there because we could always see the sunset from in the tree, and anyways why wouldn’t I want to propose in a memorable spot for you?” 

“Tooru I-” 

“When I get home I want to take you there and pretend like we aren’t married yet. I’ll propose in that tree and we will try to catch bugs and play volleyball underneath it before watching the sunset together, like old times.” 

“That sounds nice…” 

“Oikawa, open the door!” A voice could be heard in the background. 

“No can do, Shrimpy. I need time to talk to Iwa-chan before I start my shift,” Tooru sounded so calm, like he wasn’t just having a hard time breathing. 

“Iwa-chan…” My voice quivered at that name, he hasn’t called me that since our wedding day. 

“Daichi told me to bring you this though, he said you needed to read it for your shift.” 

“It’s still a no, just leave it at the door and I will get it on the way out.” 

“Fine then,” nothing apart from his breathing could be heard, “Daichi! Oikawa won’t open the door and he looks worse than normal!” 

“I know I have already this today but I mean it so much, and you deserve to hear it as much as possible. I love you so much Hajime Oikawa, I am grateful that you allowed me to marry you everyday. Thank you so much.” He mumbled into the phone, his voice sounds different from before though, like it was filled with regret. 

A crash was heard from over the phone, and lots of yelling. Hinata and Kageyama could be heard screaming at each other before it was just Kageyama at the door asking Tooru to open it. 

“Oikawa, open this door before I have to change use the override password,” Daichi’s stern voice could be heard, everything else was quiet. 

“No, let me be in peace for a while.” 

“We can’t though, you haven’t even taken your medicine!” 

“I’m fine, I swear. Just go do your work stuff and stop worrying about me.” 

“Fine, Kageyama stay here and wait for Hinata.” 

“Jeez, he doesn't get personal space.” 

“Shut up Oikawa, just because you’re dying and he isn’t it doesn’t mean you can talk badly about him.” 

“I am not dying! You can’t just-” His voice cracks before he lets out a sob “- keep telling me I’m dying when clearly I’m not.” 

“You are though! You don’t see yourself so you wouldn’t know it. Everyday you get paler, your eyes get so red by the end of your first shift and you are forgetting everything.” 

“Don’t tell me I’m dying when you don’t know what is going on.” 

“I do know what's going on, although you clearly don't.” 

“I do.” 

“No you don’t! Stop saying you do when you don’t! Why do you keep ignoring the signs? Is it because you want to get home? Because you want to see him again?” It went silent for a while before Kageyama started talking again, “You can’t see him if you don’t take care of yourself. Please, just let us help you get home, to him...” Kageyama sounded like he was in tears now. 

“Go away, I don’t want you around anymore.” 

“No, Daichi wants me here so I’m staying.” 

“Fine, don’t look at me.” Tooru sounded so cold, like he really hated Kageyama for saying all of those things. 

“I’m sorry Hajime.” 

“It’s ok, please let them take care of you. I really want you to come home too.” 

“Hajime, I guess I might not make it home… I mean, in case I don’t live forever let me tell you now-” 

“Don’t you dare-” My chest tightened again as I slowly realised I wasn’t actually talking to him anymore, that it was already over for him, that it was just a voice mail call. 

“-I love you more than you will ever wrap your head around. In case I don’t live forever let me tell you the truth, As long as you remember me-” He stopped talking and made a vomiting sound, it was horrible to listen to. “Blood kind of tastes weird, like it has a metallic taste to it.” 

“Tooru…” 

“Holy shit Oikawa! Hinata, hurry up,” Kageyama yelled out, he was probably scared after watching him throw up. 

“Oh shit-” Daichi was heard talking before getting interrupted by another vomiting noise and a loud crash. Everything sounded so loud. 

“I’m so sorry, Hajime. My love for you goes beyond the stars, and I hope yours does too...” Tooru’s voice was shaky and barely above a whisper as he said this. 

“Tooru, please, I need you!” I tried to stay quiet, but my whole body shook while I was crying. 

“Hajime-” He took his last breath, it was slow and shaky. 

My crying turned into the kind that makes you wheeze and cough. 

“Tooru…” I pulled my legs towards my chest and clung onto them, pressing my head into my knees while holding the phone close to my ear, hoping I would hear him breathe again. 

I started to zone out, the yelling from the other side of the phone started to turn into a low humming sound. The yelling continued on for a while, before the phone was picked up and Kageyama started talking, “I’m sorry Hajime, he locked us out. It was so quick, like he knew he was going to-” 

“Kageyama! Turn the phone off,” Daichi yelled, making the phone go quiet. 

“No, please no-” The voice note stopped, unlike my crying. 

######  Chapter 4: Comforting Words 

I’ve been crying for a while now, and there was no sign of stopping anytime soon. My hands were shaking with so much force that I had put my phone into my pocket and was forced to hold onto the chair so I wouldn’t fall. 

“It’s just a prank, he didn’t actually-” I mumbled, trying to convince myself. 

I slowly get up from the chair and head towards the door. I run my hand along the wall as I take slow steps so I don’t fall. I get out of the room and walk down the hall before sitting down against the wall. My body is still shaking as I move my knees towards my chest and rest my chin on it. 

I leaned over and grabbed my phone from my pocket carefully, making sure not to drop it. I open it and call Tooru thinking he would pick up, when deep down I knew he wouldn’t. It rang for a while before someone finally answered it. 

“Tooru? Oh my gosh, I was so scared you actually-” 

“Hey Hajime..” 

“Oh, hi Daichi…” 

“I know you probably don’t want to talk right now but we should-” 

“No, I need to talk to someone… before I do something unnecessary.” 

“I’m so sorry. We didn’t even realise what was going on until it was too late.” 

“It’s ok, I kind of thought it was a prank, he always tried to prank me while growing up.” 

“Yea, he pranked us a few times. One time he was cooking dinner and he only cooked potatoes. Everyone was mad at the time but looking back now it would have been pretty funny to see our reactions,” The line went quiet. I didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to ruin the silence, for I started to believe it was Tooru breathing. 

“Tooru-” I mumble, my voice barely above a whisper, but loud enough for Daichi to hear the pain. 

“He… I’m so sorry Hajime,” Daichi’s answer matches my tone, one full of heartbreak and sorrow. 

“I miss him so much… I want him to call me Iwa-chan again, I want to feel his kisses, I want to feel his warm hugs. Please Daichi-” 

“I can’t… please, it’s hard on us too…” 

“No it isn’t! You didn’t just lose your husband and find out about it from the tv. You don’t know what I’m going through, so just stop.” 

“Do you want Suga to see you..? I know he isn’t much compared to him but he can listen to you?” Daichi asks. 

“Yes please, I’m at xxxxxx Hospital…” I slow down my breathing, fighting off a panic attack. 

“He is on his way. Is the baby born yet?” Daichi asked, trying to fill in the awkward silence. 

“Yeah, it’s so painful looking at him. They look so similar. I don’t know if I’ll be able to look at him without thinking of Tooru.” 

“I’m sure it should get easier as he grows, have you found a name yet?” 

“Kind of, I’m thinking of either Sora or Hisao,” I smile at the mention of the possible names, “Tooru suggested Sora in the voice mail, so I think I’ll choose that one. You know, so at least he got something from Tooru before he-” I hiccup, although it sounds more like choking since I was suppressing the weeping I felt the need to do. 

“Aw, that sounds like a good name for him,” He paused, Kageyama and Hinata could be heard in the background talking about Volleyball, “Suga should be getting close now.” 

“Mhm,” I sigh, getting distracted by the other’s talking about volleyball, it brought back so many happy memories from our high school days. 

“Hajime? Oh gosh, my poor boy!” Suga ran towards me, a painstaking face as he looked at me, “I am so sorry.” 

He sat down next to me before enclosing me in his arms, I let all the tension in my body drain from me, making me lean against him completely. He brushes his fingers through my hair as I drop my phone on the ground and cling to him, my body shook with each weep, making Suga shake as well. 

“It will be ok, I promise…” He whispered while pushing my head into the crook of his neck gently. 

He sat with me, patiently waiting for me to stop crying. He was rubbing circles on my back to help calm me down quicker. 

“I miss him so much! This is all my fault, if I wasn’t so stubborn and actually-” 

“Shh, don’t blame yourself for something you couldn’t control, Hajime.” He kept running a hand through my hair, which was making me sleepier with every stroke. 

“I just want him back…” 

“I know you do, but we can’t do anything about it right now,” He slowed his movements, trying to coax me into falling asleep, “Let’s get you home so you can sleep?” 

I shake my head at the offer, not wanting to leave the baby in case something happened to Sora. 

“Are you sure? I can come back and watch over Sora while you sleep, I will call as soon as something happens,” Suga tries to reason with me. 

“Please Suga…” 

“Alright, I’ll ask if there is a spare bed or something and I’ll get some blankets. Let’s get you inside the room before I do that though,” Suga lets go of me and stands up, he helps me up and leads me to the chair inside of the room. “I’ll be back, don’t wake them up.” 

I watch over Sora, the peaceful rise and fall of his chest is enough reassurance for now. I let the exhaustion from today catch up to me as I curl up on the chair and close my eyes. 

“Hajime, wake up. I have the bed here,” Suga shakes me gently, waking me up and making me look towards the pile of blankets and a pillow on the floor, “That’s the best they can do, you go to sleep again and I’ll watch over him.” 

I get up from the chair slowly, rubbing my eyes as I get into the bed. 

“Goodnight Hajime, have a good sleep,” Suga kneels down beside the bed and presses a kiss to my forehead, before stroking my hair until I fall asleep. 

######  Chapter 5: Homebound 

It’s been a year, a whole year since his- Yea… He got home last night though, after a whole year of being up there. Daichi and the other crewmates are coming back too, although I don’t want to see them. 

Suga and I are currently in our living room, watching the news in hopes to distract ourselves. 

“Sora keeps staring at the wall, he is a ghost hunter now,” Suga grins, lifting the baby up and pretending to make him walk on the couch. 

“Sora has gotten so big already,” I joke, pinching his cheek gently. 

Within the last year Suga has moved into our house, I mean, it’s just me and Sora in a huge four bedroom house, so why wouldn’t I offer him and Daichi some rooms in the house? 

It has been so helpful with Suga around, he takes care of Sora when I have to go away for work, and Sora absolutely adores him. 

“- landed this morning, it was reported to be a successful landing. Everyone has made it back safely. Their family members and partners have been contacted. A private funeral for Tooru Oikawa’s family happens sometime next week, while a public funeral will be held after. More details on that will come soon,” The news person states. 

Suga looks towards me, giving me a small smile to try and ease my nerves. 

“Fine, I’ll call them later, I just don’t really want them to worry about my right now… I mean, they have been calling me every other week to make sure I’m doing better, and he isn’t going anywhere?” I joke, making Suga chuckle. 

“Daichi said he isn’t allowed to drive anywhere for a week so he gets used to gravity again. I was thinking we could go on a road trip so you can see Tooru and we can get all of his stuff too?” 

“Sounds like a good idea, it won’t be that long though, right?” 

“Nope, should only be 5 hours there. I think Sora will be able to entertain himself for that long, and if we go early in the morning while he is sleeping he won’t wake up for most of the way there,” Suga smiled at the child in his arms, booping Sora’s nose and making him giggle. 

“You probably miss Daichi like crazy, are you sure you don’t want to call him?” 

“Nah, I’m having fun with my family, I’ll call him later.” 

“Ok then, I would have called Tooru if-” I stop myself and change the subject back to our trip, “What time are we going?” 

“We could go tomorrow or the day after that? I don’t really mind and I’m sure Daichi can wait a few more days before he gets-” Suga was interrupted by a knock at the door. 

“I’ll get that for you,” I got up from the couch and walked to the door. I opened it up to reveal Daichi standing in the doorway, “Daichi? Suga said you weren’t allowed to drive yet?” 

“I kind of lied to him, I wanted to surprise him,” Daichi smiled at me. 

“Daichi? Oh my gosh…” Suga stands behind me, looking as shocked as I probably did. He stands still and just stares while Daichi comes towards him and wraps him in a hug, being careful of Sora in his arms. 

They look like a perfect family together- 

They stay together for a while before Sora makes a noise and pulls at Daichi’s shirt, making him stand back, “Who is this little fella?” Daichi asks, sending me a cheeky smile before taking him from Suga’s arms. 

“Sora.” 

“Sora looks so pretty, just like T-” Suga pinches Daichi, making him yelp and hand Sora over to me, “Sorry…” 

Suga glares at Daichi before pulling him into another hug. They stand together and sway back and forth, savouring the feeling. 

Daichi pulls away from Suga before giving him a kiss, the kind of kiss that portrays the very essence of pure love. 

Suga smiles at Daichi before pulling away and looking back at Sora, “Isn’t Sora the cutest thing, like his cheeks are so chubby and he is so big already,” Suga cooes at Sora, making him giggle. 

“Mhm, Sora is really cute,” Daichi says before turning to Suga, “No, we don’t need our own. You would get annoyed with it.” 

Suga glares at Daichi, “This isn’t fair, our kid would be so cute.” 

“You would neglect it because you love Sora so much, anyways our kid wouldn’t even be as pretty as Sora.” 

“Stop saying stuff that makes sense, I don’t like it,” Suga grumbles while wrapping his arms around Daichi and burying his head in Daichi’s chest. 

“You’re such a baby,” Daichi chuckles before pressing a kiss to the top of his head, “I love you so much, Suga.” 

“Really? Well I love you more,” Suga pulls away and smiles up at him. 

“Sure you do” 

I walk away quietly, not wanting to interrupt their reunion. Sora snuggles into my arms while we walk to the bedroom. 

“Do you think we should watch Shrek or Godzilla?” I ask Sora even though he wouldn’t care what we watched. 

I grab the laptop on the way to my room while holding Sora on my hip, “You are getting so big, my heavy Sora.” 

We get to the room pretty quickly, I sit in the middle of the bed before putting Sora down between my legs so he wouldn’t move. 

I log into Netflix and search for Godzilla, it has always been Tooru’s comfort movie. 

“Hold on Sora, I need to get the toy.” 

I get off of the bed, leaving Sora by himself to get the stuffed Godzilla teddy on the dresser. It stood upright, collecting dust by itself. I grab it and shake it a little before moving back to the bed with it. 

I get into a comfortable position with Sora laying next to me, the godzilla teddy by my side. 

“You probably shouldn’t watch this yet, but I’m sure you will be asleep soon so it won’t matter that much,” I smile at Sora and stroke his head before turning back to the movie and press play. 

My mind gets caught up with thoughts of Tooru, like the time he forced me to watch Godzilla for the first time, and all of the times he forced me to watch it after that… The memory of his stupid smile when he won me this Godzilla teddy all those years ago stayed with me as I looked at Sora’s sleeping form. 

The movie continues to play while I get up from the bed and put Sora in his own bed. 

######  Chapter 6: I'm so sorry 

thought I was strong enough for this, but apparently I’m not. I barely sleep anymore, between looking after Sora by myself most of the time and going to work earlier now, it has been really hard. 

Ever since Daichi got home Suga has been so busy, he spends less time with Sora and I now. It’s probably that I miss him so much and seeing Suga happy with his husband is making it even more known. 

So here we are, the four of us sitting in the car together, on our way to the cemetery for Tooru’s funeral. The car ride is silent apart from the noises Hisao makes every few minutes. 

“We are here,” Daichi announces before we all get out. 

Suga took Sora from his car seat before bringing him towards me, “Look how much his hair has grown! It’s so cute,” Suga coes at him, pinching his cheek gently. 

“I think you should hold him today, or just for the ceremony if you don’t want him all day,” I offer him the task and he happily agrees with a nod of his head. 

“Do you want me to sit up the front or do you want me to be up the back in case he starts crying?” He asks. 

“Uhm, I would prefer if he was close but I really don’t mind. Whatever you feel comfortable with.” 

“Rightio, we should head in now…” Suga’s shoulders tensed up at Daichi’s words, he gave me a weary look before we all walked in. 

All of our friends were there, as well as his mum. My own family couldn’t make it so I’m glad I could see her face. She was already crying, and it was making me feel bad for not crying. 

“Hey…” 

“Oh Hajime! I’m so sorry I couldn’t find the time to be with you until now, will you sit up here with me?” She asks, motioning at the chair beside her. 

“Sure, I missed you so much,” I smile at her, taking notice of how little she has changed over the past year. 

“I missed you too, my dear Hajime. Come on, sit down, the ceremony will start soon…” She waited for me to sit down before she grabbed my left hand and held it in her own hands, gently running a finger over the wedding band I wore. 

The ceremony started like she said it would. The tension in the room was suffocating, like everyone was waiting for me to start crying. However it was Tooru’s mother that started crying first, although she was already crying before the ceremony actually started. 

I started to zone out, I couldn’t hear anything apart from the crying woman next to me and a distant staticky sound. It was comforting, at least someone had the strength to cry over him. I don’t know why but I didn’t feel sad, maybe I was so drained from the past week that my body has stopped me from crying anymore? Tooru’s mother shakes every time she starts weeping again, so I move closer to her and wrap my arms around her, letting her put her head on my shoulder and just cry. Her weeping shook me too, although it started to get weaker. She was calming down a bit, but crying from around us could be heard. 

The ceremony ended quickly after that, so many people came up to us to give their condolences for our loss. Many people asked if I were ok, if I needed anything, if I Would be ok, and each time I brushed them off and told them not to worry. 

The others came to find me after Tooru’s mother left, they seemed to be trying to keep themselves together for me, and honestly it looked painful. 

We got in the car and headed back home, Sora was sleeping already. He seems to be sleeping more nowadays, it is pretty weird but I guess since we have all been feeling sad about the funeral it could have affected him too? 

When we got home I took Sora and changed his clothes before laying him down in his cot and getting myself changed into comfier clothes. Sora was sleeping peacefully again by the time I got into bed. 

I pulled the covers up over my head, trying to keep the world out. 

“Fucking hell, Tooru-” my voice cracks, making me words dangerously painful. 

I turn around in the bed, facing his side of the bed as if he was here. I stayed silent, letting my tears roll down my face as I wished to wake up from this horrible nightmare. 

“Tooru, please-” My breathing slowed down as the crying started to make me drowsy, “-I’m sorry.” I fall asleep without realising. 

######  Chapter 7: Our Goodbyes 

_“Iwa-Chan!”_

 __

 __

“Huh Oikawa?” I looked around, trying to search for the person who owned that familiar voice.

“Up here,” the voice led to a tree branch above my head. There, sat a boy, the boy he was in love with. 

“You’re alive?!” I asked while climbing up the tree to sit next to my lover. 

Tooru gave me an awkward smile. 

“Oh…” 

“It’s ok Haji, I can stay for a while,” Tooru whispered while wrapping his arms around me. 

We sat in silence, watching the night sky together. Tooru’s head rested on my shoulder, the warmth I supplied was calming for both of us. 

“Is it ever going to get easier?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean you not being here.” 

“It should, sooner or later.” 

“It doesn’t feel like that. I see you everywhere, and when I don’t something reminds me of you. It’s a continuous cycle and it’s burning me up inside.” 

“Oh, Iwa-chan,” Tooru frowned, lifting his head off of my shoulder and placing a hand on my cheek. 

“I miss you so much, and Sora looks exactly like you.” 

“ Hajime, my dear, I am so sorry,” Tooru mumbled, his eyes filling with tears. 

“It’s okay, it’s only an accident, no one could have known that was going to happen,” I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him closer to me. 

“I thought I was getting better, everyone thought I was! I should have come down when I had the chance, I could have lived longer…” Tooru cried out, wetting my shirt with his tears. 

“It doesn’t matter what we could have done differently, at least we tried.” 

The sky started to brighten up, the stars beginning to fade out as the sun started to rise. 

“Don’t cry, Tooru. You’re so amazing, thank you for giving me the best years of my life-” 

“Hajime please!” Tooru raised his voice, panic finally setting in as he noticed time was running out. 

“Don’t interrupt me, Shittykawa,” I joked, making Tooru laugh as I wiped a tear off of his cheek, “You’re still prettier than the sunrise.” 

“You should stop telling lies, it isn’t good for the baby.” 

“You’re one to talk,” “Shhh, this isn’t about me. Anyways…” Toou looked distressed as he gazed out at the sunrise, “In case I don’t live forever, let me tell you now. I love you more than you will ever wrap your head around. I hope you know that I could feel your love while among the stars, so I believe that our love goes beyond the stars.” 

“Now I’m crying too,” I frowned, wiping my own tears away. 

“I love you, Hajime.” 

“I don’t want our love to go beyond the stars, I want our love to stay on earth, I want you to stay on earth.” 

“I’m sorry, Hajime.” 

_Tooru started to fade in front of me, the tree and sunset faded along with him._

“Tooru?” I called out, the dark room greeting me with silence.


End file.
